Dear DR - The Solution to the World's Problems is Fan Fics?

Since my last "Dear DR" I have had some interesting responses.  Some of them have been glowing (I am already dating four potential supermodels because of it --3 short brunettes and a hot blond with abandonment issues, just like my man Chuck), but some have been rather harsh.  In this latest posting, I will detail the path of most resistance from the crazy shipper universe:

Crazy Shippers, Fakers and Fan Fic writers.

Question: Hey, DR!  I think you are way too hard on what you call "crazy shippers" and I also think you give the writers on Chuck way too much credit.  I actually think most of the fan fictions about Chuck and Sarah are far better than anything in season 2.  As Shakespeare said: "And oftentimes excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse." -- Anonymoose

Answer: Are you delusional?  Or just completely incapable of comprehending art?  I would sooner snuggle up with a crazy shipper and nuzzle its neck, even spoon the evil creature before I would as much as hold hands with 95% of Chuck and Sarah fan fic writers!  You know how many Chuck and Sarah fan fic writers have a chance to become professional writers, working in Hollywood?  MAYBE two.  And one of them is not you.

Seriously, it needs to be said: the measure of a good writer is not in the ability to quote Shakespeare, or to Google Billy and his musings, but in actually being able to construct BELIEVABLE characters and situations within the confines of the medium in which you are creating.  If not that, then you should at least be able to understand the established characters while creating within their world.  Why is it that most fan fic writers think Chuck is some romantic dynamo and Sarah has a 12-year old teenage girl bubbling up inside of her with dreams of romantic interludes with Chuck's doppelganger, Fabio?

Question: I have read several people say things like "Sarah wanted to be with Cole (in Beefcake/Lethal Weapon) and would have fallen in love with him if not for..."  What is wrong with these people?  Seriously?!  Are they idiots?  Do they not understand the show?  How could anyone think that Sarah was falling for Cole?  She was clearly in love with Chuck and when Cole kissed her, she did not immediately jump into bed with him.  She was just vulnerable in a moment when Chuck had seemingly abandoned her again. -- Moeped

Answer: Moeped, no amount of pointing out the obvious to these people will change their mind.  The sad fact of life is that many people are just not that bright and they surround themselves with people just as dumb or dumber than themselves.  Then, these nutbags get together and convince each other their moronic definition of that plot is accurate... even though it is so completely off mark.  You can point out every tiny instance within the plot that reveals the intent (and success of that intent) by the writers, but these people will REFUSE to see it.  They have already spent many months, even years, discussing just how it is the way they demand it is, and no amount of facts or solid analysis of those events that reveals the plain and simple truth of the plot will penetrate their mental midgetry.

Question (continued): By the way, I actually HATE the will-they-won't-they element of the show, but I hate the stupidity of many of those who agree with me more.  I do think the show would work well with Chuck and Sarah together and I hope the writers realize that they have maybe one more split-them-up left in the can before we simply stop caring. --Moeped

Answer: I am right there with you.  I am not a fan of keeping them apart just to put them together in 6 episodes and then split them apart.  It is a tired bit and I don't agree with what some on the show have said that it is what keeps fans around.  However, most of the people who feel as I do, who post on the Internet, feel the need to use hyperbole and complete and utter idiocy to promote that belief.  So, I am slowly being motivated to agree with the writers if for no other reason than to see the people who make being a fan of this show an effort, MISERABLE.

Question: I am so tired of these crazy shippers whining about JJ and his spy show being this and that and how THE OFFICE was able to put their leads together and make it work.  It took the office like 6 years for the couple to marry....what the hell is wrong with you people?!  I picture these crazy shippers all with baby bodies lying in a play pen together with binkys in their mouths and adult heads. -- JsisK

Answer: I actually laughed out-loud and then rolled on the floor laughing while also performing a quasi-break-dancing move.  Bravo.  That image will be with me forever now as I read the ramblings of adult-children who have story analytical skills that could be bested by an untrained monkey missing one side of its brain.  No offense to crippled monkeys.  I hold you all in the highest regard.  Or at least in a higher regard than any crazy shipper.

Question: I like to pretend I am an anti-shipper and then, when it suits my interest for attention, I switch ideologies.  So, why do you call me a troll and ban my comments? -Jem4MoPillsJ

Answer: I let you post your question.  You should feel honored.  Now, get back on the meds before they lock you up again, troll.

P.S.

Chuck is coming back early?!  Could it be?!  We should know next week... I hope.